Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Help. Why am I so naked?
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