some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Someone shattered a urinal.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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