So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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