I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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