So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize