apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
