oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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