definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
