You smell like a Billy Joel song
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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