i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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