Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
