And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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