Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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