Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
