i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
how drunk are you?
Several
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
