What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
