Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
