you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
