In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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