Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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