Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
