I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm at about main and main street
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
