absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
