Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
