I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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