Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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