I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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