you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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