Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
