she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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