hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
