Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
