You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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