Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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