just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
