I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
