my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
