How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
