things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I pour the whiskey from now on
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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