I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
