The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Two words: nipple clamps
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