I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
