I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize