apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
