Swine flu. Run for my life!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
