need another drink. this is the easiest way
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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