Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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