We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
