So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
