New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
