you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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