Will you blow on my dice?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
