Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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