I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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