After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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