Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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