Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
