You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
