i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
