Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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