He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Do vagina's smell?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
