Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
