it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
