I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
