just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
