I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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