Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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