yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
