we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Is it because I queefed?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
