Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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